Internal monologue. Gut instinct. Intuition. Call it what you wish, but for a long ass time I learned to ignore it.
I don't know why or how but over time I stopped listening to the voice inside my head. The voice of desire telling me to go after what I want in the moment, mute. The voice of reason telling me facts in chaotic moments, mute. The voice of kindness telling me to give and serve, mute. I learned to mute myself (though you'd never know with how loud my mouth can be) for no other reason than habit. I got into the habit of ignoring her - the voice of my strongest convictions.
In 2022 I learned to let her speak and be heard. The best thing I started doing was giving my inner monologue an actual voice to be heard. Yes... I started saying my internal thoughts out loud. I started talking to myself. Audibly saying things like --
"You can do this."
You aren't hungry, you don't want what's in the pantry, go do something else."
"You want this done, Angela. Do it now while you have both the time and motivation to do it."
Hearing MY actual voice SAYING those things started making them real. It wasn't just a thought I could ignore anymore. It was out in the world, even if I was the only one who could hear it.
Saying my inner thoughts aloud made me accountable to myself. Lots of time I fail, but the times I succeed allows me to make positive changes in areas that had previously been on mute.
I stopped going back to sleep after seeing the sun through my window. When I wake up, I keep my eyes open.
I turned on screen time analysis and was able to decrease my screen time by 40%.
I was able to face and better learn how to manage my binge eating habits.
I did small things, in the moment, to help others. I brought in trash cans when I saw they were still at the end of the road, I wiped up spills that weren't mine, I handed a water bottle out the window to a house-less person because I didn't NEED it.
I organized at least one drawer, closet, or bookshelf in the house as soon as I thought "Man, I really want to organize this."
I started using the word "want to" instead of "need to."
When I am frustrated, it often stems from feeling unheard. The very same thing I was doing to myself, is why I feel frustrated most often. If I don't even listen to me, why would anyone else?
The path to fulfillment starts with listening to yourself and putting action to those thoughts. What will you do to give yourself an actual voice?
